Surviving the City Alone
When you're single and living in the city away from your family, what do you do?
Living a single life has its pros and cons. When you're single, you do things spontaneously, free from the chains that binds you to do things you want to do, whether you are alone or not.
(c) Glen Realo
I've been living alone in the city, literally and figuratively, for almost a year now (9 months and 25 days to be exact) and sometimes, it sucks big time.
I may have set no limits to the things I do but sometimes you crave for affection of someone who actually cares (hey ma, hey pa. I miss you big time. I always wish we're always physically together)
But when you want to prove yourself of something, you hold on, you fight.
I always envied those people in the workforce who are on my same age but living with their family. I wish my mom can also cook me dinner every time I come home late. I wish my dad can ask me how my day went at the office no matter how routinely my everyday is. I wish there's always someone who looks after me whenever I get sick. Someone who will feed me and give me meds whenever I feel weak. Sometimes, braving this city leaves me hopeless and desperate.
But the battle between needing to find myself and standing on my own versus needing your family always comes to play.
Then when you decide that the latter part can always come easy because you know they are just 16 hours (nerve wrecking and butt hurting bus ride) away, you choose to fight the battle of survival.
Then you hold on to people who are near you - your colleagues who have a family of their own, your high school friends who have their shits together working in the same city, your college best friends who most of the time are busy or geographically out of reach (because traffic, because work, because lovelife), or those beautiful strangers who somehow become part of your life and help you get your sanity intact, things get a little bit easier.
But what do you do when they decided to leave? When all those people you hold close were seemly out of reach, especially at times you need them most? What do you do? Where do you go? Who do you talk to when no one opts to listen and no one seems to care?
Living in the city alone sometimes suck. I always tell myself to keep fighting, because maybe this is just part of growing. Maybe people really come and go to teach you lessons and make you stronger. Maybe I need to choose the people I trust and care. But I always ask myself, until when? Until when are people going to leave? Until when am I going to open my doors to new people? Until when do I end up trusting? And caring? And doing this routine over again when they decide to leave.
I wonder how those mid 20's like me are doing? I wonder how they pull their shits together when everything gets rough. I wonder if there's someone out there who's like me and understands me. Someone? Anyone?
These are my thoughts every night I come home. These are the thoughts left unanswered. And this will always be my thoughts until then...
Living a single life has its pros and cons. When you're single, you do things spontaneously, free from the chains that binds you to do things you want to do, whether you are alone or not.
I've been living alone in the city, literally and figuratively, for almost a year now (9 months and 25 days to be exact) and sometimes, it sucks big time.
I may have set no limits to the things I do but sometimes you crave for affection of someone who actually cares (hey ma, hey pa. I miss you big time. I always wish we're always physically together)
But when you want to prove yourself of something, you hold on, you fight.
I always envied those people in the workforce who are on my same age but living with their family. I wish my mom can also cook me dinner every time I come home late. I wish my dad can ask me how my day went at the office no matter how routinely my everyday is. I wish there's always someone who looks after me whenever I get sick. Someone who will feed me and give me meds whenever I feel weak. Sometimes, braving this city leaves me hopeless and desperate.
But the battle between needing to find myself and standing on my own versus needing your family always comes to play.
Then when you decide that the latter part can always come easy because you know they are just 16 hours (nerve wrecking and butt hurting bus ride) away, you choose to fight the battle of survival.
Then you hold on to people who are near you - your colleagues who have a family of their own, your high school friends who have their shits together working in the same city, your college best friends who most of the time are busy or geographically out of reach (because traffic, because work, because lovelife), or those beautiful strangers who somehow become part of your life and help you get your sanity intact, things get a little bit easier.
But what do you do when they decided to leave? When all those people you hold close were seemly out of reach, especially at times you need them most? What do you do? Where do you go? Who do you talk to when no one opts to listen and no one seems to care?
Living in the city alone sometimes suck. I always tell myself to keep fighting, because maybe this is just part of growing. Maybe people really come and go to teach you lessons and make you stronger. Maybe I need to choose the people I trust and care. But I always ask myself, until when? Until when are people going to leave? Until when am I going to open my doors to new people? Until when do I end up trusting? And caring? And doing this routine over again when they decide to leave.
I wonder how those mid 20's like me are doing? I wonder how they pull their shits together when everything gets rough. I wonder if there's someone out there who's like me and understands me. Someone? Anyone?
These are my thoughts every night I come home. These are the thoughts left unanswered. And this will always be my thoughts until then...
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