Almost Quarter-Life Crisis

How often do you ask yourself, "how far can I go?"

People have threshold for pain, for understanding, for giving, and loving. It will reach to a point where they close doors because they know and believe they deserve more.

Unfortunately, I reached on the verge of giving up. I even ask Him, "how long will I have to endure all of this because I'm an inch close to losing myself."

Friends told me to look for an inspiration. To get strength from people I love and loves me back. They say, seems like as easy as it sounds,  "think of the reasons why you still have to fight and move forward",  but honestly, I gave up. It's not the inspiration that I'm missing, it's self-love.

I lost my self-worth overtime. I was suffering, my confidence is drowning and I couldn't breath anymore. I feel helpless. I feel dead. I wonder what happened to my old persona. I used to be very happy over simple things. I wonder what happened to the cheerful me who always has something to look forward to the next morning.

I know for sure that my old self is lost. I wasn't the same person anymore. Time has molded me into something tragic. It's like there's a timed bomb waiting to explode.

How far will I push? How long will I fight? How strong can I endure?

Sometimes I ask, "why did this happen to me? What did I do to deserve all this?"

And those questions will remain unanswered til I don't find myself. Those questions will remain unlocked until I find the air to breath again, the strength to fight again and the will to live again.

Death sometimes is not just physical, I feel like my soul is wandering and I don't seem to have a heart to love anymore, I am still breathing but I'm not living.





Comments

Popular Posts